Lovestruck by a Louisville Slugger

Lovestruck by a Louisville Slugger

I’ve listened to Paul Simon’s “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” on a few occasions. Conspicuously missing from that song was Haley Fox’s clear message to her internet boyfriend.

A 24-year-old Oregon woman hit a 26-year-old Alabama man in the head with a baseball bat, fracturing his skull because she just didn’t want to date the man.

Samuel Campbell and Haley Fox began dating after meeting online in 2013. The couple agreed that Campbell would fly to Oregon to see Fox for the first time on Wednesday April 1st.

When Campbell arrived to Fox’s apartment in Oregon, Fox request that Campbell close his eyes, when he did, the woman struck him hard in the head with a baseball bat.

The impact was so hard that it fractured the man’s skull. Campbell’s head sustained some major cuts to his head that required medical staples, but is expected to recover.

The woman has been charged with first-degree assault and was released from jail after posting bail.

Anytime I think something should go without saying, someone proves me wrong. You can find hundreds of ways to break up with someone that don’t involve assault if you just watch some Seinfeld.

Take George Costanza. I don’t mean waiting until the guy died licking wedding invitations. She could have given the “it’s not you it’s me.”

She could have taken the Kramer approach and made out with a mannequin where the guy could see and would hopefully believe the mannequin was a real person.

I wouldn’t recommend Jerry’s ten hour breakup. But I wouldn’t be surprised if someone who thinks using a bat to breakup decided on this route.

The Elaine approach is actually pretty relevant. When a long distance man friend comes to stay, she does everything in her power to make sure he catches his flight, hoping he will never come back.

But a bat? A bat?! You’re not collecting debts for the mob, you’re breaking up with your internet boyfriend.

Erg,lg


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